“Caves behind waterfalls are supposed to contain treasure! Everyone knows that!” Gadamir protested, brandishing his torch.

“Maybe there’s a secret lever or something.” Sir Tinnar suggested, tapping along the walls of the seemingly final chamber.

Gadamir pointed. “Look, running water! I think something’s behind this wall.”

Sir Tinnar nodded. Then, he reared back, and plunged forward with his warhammer, striking the wall with enough blunt force that the ground beneath them gave way, sending them tumbling down into a dark abyss.

Groaning and brushing off the earthy debris from their cloaks, they saw that they were now surrounded by ten-foot high stone walls, ornately carved with runic writing. It took the adventurers several moments to realize that they were being stared at by a Minotaur.

With long, curling horns, golden nose rings, and red eyes glowing with the smoldering screams of a hundred lost souls, he was sitting with a popcorn bowl balanced on his lap, a ragged sofa sagging under his weight.

“Oh, wow, hey, sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone.”

He was barechested, revealing the dark bestial skin and coarse hair of a mad bull, but he quickly donned a sweatshirt from the local college. Other clothing haphazardly covered the back and cushions of the couch.

Gadamir quickly nocked an arrow on his trusty bow, and was about to aim it at the demon, but Sir Tinnar stopped him with an arm. Gadamir almost protested, but Sir Tinnar indicated, with a subtle flick of his head, the skeletons littering the floor around them. This creature was not one to trifle with. In the quiet, they could hear the theme song of Gilmore Girls playing on the television just in front of the devilish abomination.

Sir Tinnar cleared his throat and said, “sorry for… dropping in unexpectedly.”

From where he sat, the minotaur briefly looked up at the new sinkhole in the ceiling. “No one’s ever come in that way before. Couldn’t solve the puzzle, huh?”

Sir Tinnar and Gadamir shared a quick glance. “Puzzle? What puzzle?”

“The runes? The ones that glow blue under the light from the Great Dragon Stave?”

“The Great… Dragon Stave?”

“Yeah, of course, why else would you be here?”

Sir Tinnar scratched at his neck and mumbled out “we, uh, saw the waterfall, and, uh…”

The Minotaur nodded. “My dad always says that adventurers these days don't know the value of a good plotline. You're always obsessed with ‘open-world’ this, and ‘exploration’ that.”

The adventurers shrugged.

The Minotaur stood up with a sigh. “Well, I guess I'd better chase you around the labyrinth and kill you with my axe now.”

Gadamir, like a flash, readied his bow, shouted “foul fiend!” and let an arrow fly. It hit the Minotaur straight in the cheek, whereupon it shattered into a dozen pieces with no apparent effect.

The Minotaur scoffed, “oh, you’re upset with me?! You’re the ones who just crashed through my roof! You destroyed my central stalactite chandelier—do you know how long it takes for those things to grow?”

The Minotaur strode forward—he was faster than he looked—and with one hand, popped off Gadamir’s head. He threw it into a nearby pile of skulls, and then turned to face Sir Tinnar.

Sir Tinnar trembled. “I'm so sorry about him. He doesn't, uh, didn’t, uhh…” he trailed off. It was quiet for a moment, and they both realized that the episode was still playing in the background. The Minotaur pivoted on a hoof and returned to the sofa. He grabbed the remote, dwarfed by his hell-hands, and delicately pressed the pause button with his pinky finger. Sir Tinnar took the opportunity to look around. He guessed that he was in the very center of the maze. The stone walls around him seemed to form a circle, with a single exit leading deeper into the labyrinth, located near a modern galley kitchen with a breakfast bar strewn with bottles and cans.

The Minotaur followed his gaze, and must have been embarrassed by the mess, because he said “look, guarding a labyrinth is stressful, okay?” He began rolling down an open bag of Doritos, and pinned it closed with a clip shaped like a pentagram.

“Oh no, I hear you. No worries, it sounds rough.” Sir Tinnar managed, trying to keep the tone cordial. He noticed that the Minotaur had been using a massive treasure chest as a coffee table between the sofa and the television, and it was littered with pizza boxes and Chinese takeout containers. Curiosity got the better of him. “How do you get food delivered, anyway?”

“Magic portal”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“So you… never leave?”

The Minotaur shrugged. “It’s not so bad. I have a decent internet connection and I can even get weed delivered.” Sir Tinnar wondered how much that explained the dank labyrinthine smell. Then the Minotaur added, “I wish I could go visit my girlfriend, though.”

Sir Tinnar struggled to keep a straight face. “Is she, ah, where does she live?”

“She spends the winters in the depths of hell with all the other succubi and their hot little condos. But this time of year, she likes to hang out in the mountains and seduce adventurers to fall into volcanoes.”

“She sounds really great for you.”

The Minotaur smiled a ferocious grin, exposing teeth sharper than swords. “Thanks man, she really is.”

“Well, what’s stopping you from going to see her?”

“Magic runes around the entrance to the labyrinth. I can’t leave, or else they explode.”

“But what about…” Sir Tinnar pointed up at the newly opened hole. The Minotaur’s eyes grew wide. Without a word, he snatched up Sir Tinnar and tucked him under his arm. Then he squatted, and using unimaginable power, he leapt in a single bound back up and into the cave behind the waterfall. He ran the few steps necessary to peer out along the river before setting the adventurer back down.

“This is incredible! Now I can leave whenever I want! All thanks to you and your idiot friend.”

The Minotaur held up his massive hand for a high five, and Sir Tinnar hesitated for only a moment before raising his hand in kind. The Minotaur whooped with joy, and smacked the hand of his new friend, instantly shattering every bone in his body. “Ah, shoot,” said the Minotaur. Making a mental note to add his head to the skull pyramid later, he began the climb down the cliffside, heading for the mountains.